Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 1

Which is Bigger,

The Moon or the Star?

One night,

…my two young children and I took a stroll along the park.

The moon was almost quite full, the stars twinkled and there were only a few clouds. It was a lovely evening. I told my two kids to look at the nightblue sky and see the beauty of the moon and stars. Then I asked them, “Which do you think is bigger, the moon or the star?”

They immediately replied, “The moon, of course, is bigger!”

“Because that is what your eyes see. But let us do a little experiment.”

I told my younger son, Albert, who was six, to stay put in one place. I positioned his older brother, Allen, some 20 yards away. I stood 200 yards away from Allen. Then I loudly asked Albert, “Who looks smaller to you, Allen or me?”

He answered, “You look smaller Father.”

I asked again, “Who is farther from you?”

Albert answered, “You, father”.

Allen and I went back to Albert. Standing close to each other, I asked Albert, “Who is now actually bigger, me or Allen?” He said, “You, father.”

“I am like a star that appears smaller only because I am farther away. A star,” I said, “is much bigger than the moon but it looks so small because it is very, very far away.”

As we continued the leisurely stroll, I thought of sharing an idea or two about the real world. It is the duty of fathers to gradually prepare their children to see the world as it is – a world with good men as well as bad men. Many good men do not always look good while many bad men try their best to look good. It is also a world of so much beauty as well as one of so much poverty and injustices. Furthermore, it is the duty of fathers to inspire their children to contribute what they can make our world a better place to live in especially when the children have grown. Fathers can best inspire their children by setting an example of honesty, helpfulness, kindness, understanding, responsibility, and steadfastness on matters of principle.

We stopped for a while then I said, “Sometimes, what you see is not what you think it is.” Some people dress nicely and behave smoothly. The nice dress and the smooth behavior do not necessarily mean that they are good people. Some of them are corrupt. They cheat, they steal and they lie. Some speak fluently and convincingly but they are actually liars. Some do not have fine clothes to wear because they are simple workers but they are good and honest. Remember, The Father Above gave us eyes to see. He also gave us a mind to look deeper into what we must see. We must use both to know the truth.”

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 2

The Saturation Point

I once told a good friend of mine that he should be thinking of marriage for he was already 40. He said he still wanted to enjoy going out with different women. He believed that a man ought to get married only after he had gotten over his desire to chase after women, only after he had reached the saturation point. He believed that only then would he remain loyal to his wife. With a grin, he said, “Is this not true, my good upright friend?”

I smiled ad thanked him for his compliment. Then I said, “Some men have to go through the experience of knowing different women to find the kind of woman they are compatible with in accordance with their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses. For instance, if the man finds that they are both emotional and temperamental, the man may decide that they probably will not make a good couple. Knowing different women with different levels of maturity helps the man know the difference between love, affection, and long-term commitment, on one hand, and lust cheap thrills, one-night stands, and short-term affairs on the other hand. In the process, men deepen their knowledge of the important things worth-considering in good personal relationships. I am sure you have undergone such experiences. I am sure you have found some women more compatible and more mature than others.”

He nodded and I continued, “Some men, however, continue to chase after women out of a weakness in personality, out of a basic flaw in character, out of a basic error in outlook. They simply see women as objects of pleasure. They are only after the bodies of women. They do not care about a woman’s heart or mind. They are very selfish men. Such men do not cease the chase. They have no saturation point. They only have a pause, a rest. They will again chase women after sometime. A man stops his cheap thrills with women only after he has began to develop a respect for women much like the respect he has for his mother and sister. Man loses his lust for women only after he has matured emotionally, mentally and spiritually which means he has gradually become less selfish.

I kept silent for a while. My friend looked at me seriously. Finally, I said, “My good friend, take time to find the real reasons behind your desire to chase after women. Marry for the right reasons. When you have the right reasons and have found the right woman to love forever, do not forget to invite me.”

There was silence. After a few minutes, he happily smiled.

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 3

On Forgiving

And Moving On

I once met a good old friend. We had not seen each other for 12 or 13 years. She helped my wife and me in a construction project near her town in Bicol. She was actually a good friend of a good friend. She treated us like her own younger brother and sister. A great Teacher of Life once said, “return kindness with kindness, helpfulness with helpfulness”. I invited her to stay at my house while she was here in the city. She happily accepted my invitation.

One afternoon at home, I asked her if she has forgiven her husband for abandoning her and their children for another woman. She said, “I have forgotten about it. I don’t think about it anymore.”

However, I felt the deep pain that was still in her heart. I told her to look at the coconut tree in front of my house. Then I told her to close her eyes. I asked her if the coconut tree is still there even if she does not see it anymore. She said, “Of course.”

Then I explained, “The pain in your heart when your husband left you and your husband is still there even when you say you do not think about it anymore. You can only leave the pain behind you when you have learned to forgive him.”

Perhaps she recalled that traumatic experience because her face began to look bitter. Quite emotionally, she replied, “How can I forgive him when he hasn’t even asked forgiveness? Do you expect me go to him and tell him that I have forgiven him?”

I calmly replied, “Do not tell him that you have forgiven him if he has not asked for forgiveness. It simply means that he has not yet clearly seen the gravity of his error. He might not see his error anymore if you forgive him prematurely. It is a different matter to just tell someone you have forgiven him and yet, there is still so much bitterness inside of you. It is entirely a different story when you forgive him in your heart. You should only forgive a person directly if he has repented and has asked for forgiveness. Forgiving a person in your heart concerns only yourself. So long as the bitterness in your heart remains, you cannot move forward in life as you should, for the bitterness is like a heavy load that pulls you down…it weakens the warmth of friendship you share and feel with your friends, it diminishes the love you give to your children, it lessens the brightness of your day and the peacefulness of your night. Try to look at that sad part of your past as an experience to learn from. Study the experience. Find out what went wrong and why you failed to correct the wrong things. Get the lessons to be learned, leave the pain behind and move on.

Always remember that the road ahead still has twists and turns, ups and downs. Use all the lessons you have learned from life to guide you. That way you make less mistakes. You will then have fewer sad experiences and more happy experiences. Move on, my friend, move on and…good luck!”

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 4

Which is More Important,

Intelligence or Character?

Nowadays,

…more and more marriages are breaking apart. I once talked to an old friend whom I had not seen for many years. “What went wrong with your marriage?” I asked.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” she said. “My husband just told me one day that he didn’t love me anymore and that he was leaving me for another woman.”

“Did you do something seriously wrong? Did you treat him well?” I asked.

She said that she had honestly looked into herself whether she had done something seriously wrong to deserve abandonment. She swore she had not done any serious mistake and that she had been, in fact, a good wife.

“If that is the case,” I said, “then it is your husband who is at fault.” It is your husband who has a basic flaw in character. If I may ask, what important characteristic of your husband attracted you most?”

“It was his intelligence. He was an honor student and he talked intelligently on many matters.”

“And what about the goodness of character, is this not more important?”

“He was also good to me, especially when he was courting me. Besides, an intelligent man knows very well what is right and what is wrong,” she replied.

In pursuit of her logic, I continued, “He knew it was wrong to leave you and the children. He did it just the same. What lessons are to be learned here, my friend?”

She was silent for a while, then she said, “Obviously, knowing what is right and what is wrong is very different from doing what is right or wrong. The person who has goodness of character will most probably do the right thing than the brilliant guy.”

Then, I added, “Being intelligent, having a sharp mind, is like having a sharp knife. You can either use the sharp knife to cut vegetables and meat, cook a good meal, and feed many people, or you can use it to harm people. On the other hand, the goodness of character is an instrument to serve people. It is thus, a good thing. In comparing the two, the good thing is definitely superior to the neutral thing. My friend, it will be good if you can share this knowledge to your children. In our society, where wealth, power, and intelligence are considered the most important things to acquire, many people do not see that the truly most important thing to aspire for is the goodness of character. A basically good and honest person will try his best to live up to his promise that for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in plenty or in poverty, he will stand by you till the end.”

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 5

On Looking at

Beautiful Women

A good friend once discussed with me a frank issue.

“Let me ask you a straight question,” he said. “As you are now becoming more and more concerned with right and wrong, do you not at times look at beautiful women? At their faces and sexy bodies??”

I smiled. I was amused by his frankness and at our man’s talk. “Thank you for your candidness,” I replied. “When I see a beautiful woman, I cannot help but take a second look. You see, there are two ways of looking at a woman. One is to look at her with a lustful eye. Another is to look at her with a respectful and appreciative eye. Good artists have respectful and appreciative eyes. When they paint the faces and bodies of women, they see beauty in their symmetry, in their curves, in their proportions. They see the beauty in womanhood. Men with a lustful eye can never understand this.

“To develop an artist’s eye, which is actually looking at life with the eyes of the Soul, try to see other beautiful things and other creatures around you – the many interesting shapes of clouds, the bright colors and changing hues of sunrise and sunset, the various shapes, colors, texture, and smells of beautiful flowers, mountains, valleys, lakes, rivers, seas and great oceans, trees, birds, insects…the beauty of Mother Nature. Have you ever noticed the symmetry in the lines of a leaf? Have you ever noticed that some leaves are heart-shaped?

“Try to deepen your insight by thinking about the Great Hand that created such beauty and wonder. Such insight can lead you into knowing more about the Great Artist who made all these wonderful things and creatures. Such knowledge will help you to gradually see the beauty in the faces and bodies of women.

“If you have a lot of goodness in your heart, you will appreciate the beauty of trees for what they are. If your life is predominantly focused on getting more and more money, power and pleasures for the flesh, you will see the color of money in the trees you cut down….you will ravage the beauty of Mother Nature in the same way you ravage the beauty of women.

“There is also beauty in relationships between people who are genuinely concerned about each other’s physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual growth. There is beauty about people who have much respect, trust, care, and love for each other. The good parents’ deep concern for their children’s growth, the warm handshake of a true friend and the sincere offer of assistance when you need it most, the promise of a loved one that no matter what, you can count on him/her, or young men and women who work abroad and sacrifice so much to help their families, carry in themselves beauty that more than meets the eye.

“Remember how your mother cared for you when you were still a baby and a young child. Such is a beautiful moment in your life. Your mother is a woman. To develop an appreciative and a respectful eye is difficult but it is the right thing to aspire for. To have a lustful eye is so easy but it is the wrong thing to follow.

“I guess the somewhat surprised look on your face means that you find my answer quite different. Indeed, my friend, what is right is totally different from what is wrong. And the more you see the difference, the wiser you become.”

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 6

Waiting for the

“Right Man” to Love

One day,

…a student enrolled in one of my classes requested me to read her palm. Since I was in a rush, I asked her what she wanted foremost to know. She told me to look first into her lovelife. After looking at the lines associated with this part of her life and cross-checking it with other sources, I told her that on her 26^th or 27^th year, she would meet someone who was an old flame. This man loved her once somewhere in the distant past.

Then she asked, “Ah, is he my soulmate?”

She looked very serious and I half-smiled at her. Then I replied, “Consider him one, among others, who crossed your path a few times, sometime, far back in time. In those few times that you met, at least in one lifetime, he loved you deeply.

“Will we get married?” she quickly followed up.

She was getting quite excited. I seriously answered, “The law of karma can only make you and him meet again at a certain point in time. The outcome of that meeting will definitely depend on your free will as well as on his. Such is the relationship between karma on one hand and free will on the other. Either you are scheduled to meet again to solve a problem between yourselves that has remained unsolved in a previous relationship from another lifetime or you meet again to continue an old happy love story which you have desired and have decided upon in another lifetime.”

She asked again, “But why so late, at 26 or 27? I am only 18 now and I cannot seem to wait that long.”

I paused for a while and thought about the strong tendency of young people nowadays to be impatient and impulsive. Then I told her, “In many cases, when we rush, we make mistakes. When we read a book too fast, we miss many important ideas. When we copy something too fast, we miss some words or copy wrongly. If we run too fast, the chances of tripping are higher. If we eat too fast, we get indigestion. The same is true for love. When you rush for it, when you give yourself to someone you barely know and get intimate with him right away, your chances of committing a mistake are very high. Chances are the man is only good at the beginning. Being fooled leaves a very deep wound in the heart and such a wound takes a long time to heal. It is good to be careful with matters of the heart. It is good to take time to know more of the man. So much happiness, as well as so much pain, depends on choosing the right man.”

Someone wisely said, “Take time to look for the right person as well as be the right person.”

I paused for a while, reflecting on why soulmates usually meet later in life. They meet, oftentimes, from the mid-20’s to the early 30’s.

“There is always a good reason why certain important things come to your life at a specific point in time. Perhaps, at more or less 26 to 27 years of age, both of you will be mature enough to discuss and resolve correctly certain important matters. Then the chances of successfully solving an old problem or successfully continuing an old beautiful love story are greater.

“The right person does not necessarily have to be your soulmate. Consider the fact that the last time you were together with your soulmate was many, many years ago. While you might have been very happy with him at that time, between then and now, many things also happened to him. Many things had happened to you. He could have changed. You could have changed. All people change. Some change for good, some, unfortunately, for worse. So, when you meet him now, use your mind first before listening to your heart. Remember, regardless of whether he is your soulmate or not, the right man is the one who is sincere in his intentions and who will try his best to make you happy. He will try his best to be a good husband to you and a good father to your children. Remember, the right man is anybody with the right character.”

She looked serious for a while. Then I told her I had to leave. She smiled and thanked me.

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 7

A Part of the Truth

vis-à-vis

the Whole Truth

A friend once told me, “Your words have many truths about life. Tell me, do you know the whole Truth? I am a Christian, a Catholic in particular. Will my religious beliefs help me to know what you have known or will it merely limit my knowledge of the whole Truth?”

I thanked him for his compliments and felt a bit shy about it. Then I replied,

“Let me begin my answer by paraphrasing a spiritual sage I read about a long time ago when I was searching for truths. He said: Truth is like a mirror shattered through time into a thousand pieces.

I guess some people walking along the road of life found a few pieces and were amazed by its beauty, its magnificence, and the wisdom of the words written on them. They then declared that this was the Truth, the whole Truth. Later, they called many people to see it. The people marveled. They were awed. Those who found the few pieces invited the people to worship these few things and to follow whatever was written on it. These founders of pieces of truth consequently made their own interpretations of what they saw written on it. Some of them made good interpretations while some of them misinterpreted it. Worse, some used it later to enrich and empower themselves at the expense of their followers.

I stopped for a while and thought about how some religions had misled and confused many people regarding their real situation. I thought of religions which taught the poor people that their poverty is due to their lack of faith. A certain religion in a country with a very big population taught that poverty, which afflicted the broad majority of their people was a result of karma. Social problems have social causes. The real cause of mass poverty is the concentration of wealth and power on a selfish few.

After reminding myself the question she asked of me, I continued, “There were also some who found other pieces of the Truth. They also marveled at it and said, ‘Such a beautiful piece. Such wisdom in the words written. We should treasure it. But it appears to contain only some pieces of the puzzle we call life. We should look for the other pieces. Perhaps, it is in other places or held by other men.’ Tell me, my friend, what is the relevance of this to your faith?”

He thought for a while and said, “My Christian faith, if I follow the logic of your story, contains only some parts of the whole Truth. But where and how will I find the other parts? And if I see what appears to be part of the whole Truth, how can I know whether it is genuine or not?”

Seeing the sincere search for the whole Truth in his eyes, I said, “Practice first faithfully what you have known from parts you have. At the end of each day, before going to bed, have a little reflection. Find out what went wrong and what went right during the day measuring right and wrong on what your religion has taught you. Remember that a part of the Truth also contains many truths though sometimes, people are confused and misled by bad interpretations of the truth. Find out how you handled the wrong things as well as the right things. Continue the things you handled correctly. Regarding the wrong things you did, find out why you made the mistake. Some mistakes have simple causes; others have deep roots. For instance, impatience and the inability to understand another person may be due to the simple pressures of life. However, in some cases, some weaknesses may have deep roots in one’s childhood experiences. If you did not see and feel the virtues of patience and understanding from your parents, how can these virtues be part of you?

Our parents, like everybody else have strength and weaknesses. Of course, some parents have more weaknesses than strengths and consequently, their children suffer. Whatever virtues our parents failed to teach us, we have no other way of learning except by learning it ourselves. In life, we must learn to teach ourselves. We must continuously find out what is the right way and what is the wrong way of looking at things and at people.

After some time, if the Father Above sees how sincere and serious you are in trying to follow His will based on the few parts that you know, He will gradually lead you to the other missing parts. Never claim to know more than what you really know. Do not say you know the whole Truth when in fact, you only know some parts of it. Other people also searching for the Truth might have seen other parts which you have not seen yet. Be open-minded and critical. To be open-minded means to open your mind to new ideas. But new ideas can be right or wrong. Thus, you must have a critical mind to find out which new idea is right and which is wrong. It will do you a lot of good if you exchange notes with these people who might be holding the other parts. Be honest. Be patient. Keep on doing this everyday and every night, no matter what happens. One day, you will find what you have been looking for – the whole Truth.”

He said he found my brief explanation interesting and that it was sad that he had to leave soon. He asked for a few more elaborations. I told him that there is, I believe, another important not-so-obvious thought beneath the analogy of truth being like a mirror. I asked him, “Everyday, especially in the morning when you wake up and look at the mirror, what do you see?”

He said, “Of course, I see myself as I fix myself. I mean, as I wash my face and my body, shave my beard, comb my hair and fix my clothes.”

Then I told him, “Everytime you look at the mirror, do not just fix your physical appearance. More importantly, fix also your emotions, passions, desires, and your mind. If you do this, you will become a much better person, a person with less and less problems. Then, you will have more and more balance and harmony. Someday, when there is little left to “fix” in your body, heart, and mind, you will realize that there is something inside of you that is an indivisible part of the Source of the whole Truth. That realization will lead you to the Ultimate Source of the whole Truth.”