Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 21

On the Need

For Balance

My wife and I have two sons; Allen, who is almost ten years old and Albert, who is almost seven years old. They have very different personalities. The older one, Allen, is very active, almost hyperactive. He likes to play a lot. He loves to be with his friends. It is very difficult for him to be alone and to study. However, his teachers tell my wife and me that Allen is very bright because he can perfect an exam if he likes the topic. Thus, for the last few years, he has barely passed. Albert, on the other hand, loves to study. He can play alone. He gets very high grades.

One day, I called Allen and told him to pick a foot and a half long branch. Then, I told him to balance the branch on one finger. He could not do it for the first few times. After some tries, he became quite good at it. He even picked up other branches of different lengths and balanced them on one finger. “Is it hard to balance a branch my son?”

“Quite hard father, especially at the beginning. But after getting used to it, is not that hard anymore.”

“You know son, if there is something new we have to learn or if there is an old habit we have to change, it is natural at the beginning to find it difficult to learn or to change. All learning involves some difficulties. We can make some mistakes at the beginning until we get used to it and eventually master it. Do you remember the time when you were trying to ride the bike? You fell a few times until you balanced yourself. That experience is similar to your experience at balancing that branch. What happens if you cannot balance the branch?”

“Of course Father, the branch falls.”

“You see son, life is like that branch you tried to balance. You must learn to balance the activities in your life. This means having the necessary time for the activities you have to do. In your case, you must have the right amount of time for sleeping, playing, and studying. If you play too much and lack sleep, your health will fall and you will get sick. If you lack the time for studying your lessons at school, your grades will fall and you will have troubles with your teachers.”

He gave me a big smile. Then he said, “I know what you mean father, but it is very hard for me to change.”

“There are two things you need to change in yourself. First, you must convince yourself that balancing your activities is the right thing to do. Second, just keep on trying. Give yourself some time to adjust. Convince yourself that even when you keep on failing to balance your activities for some time, you will eventually be able to control yourself and have balance.”

He gave me a big smile and said, “I promise to try, father. And you, father, what kind of things do you have to balance?”

“As you grow older, you take on more activities and responsibilities in life. In my case, I have to balance my time for the important people in my life – you and your brother, your mother, my widowed mother, close personal friends, political friends and lately, people who seek opinions on personal matters. I should also, of course, have time for my teaching, studying and writing. All of these important people in my life and other things I have to do are part of my spiritual and social mission in life.”

He looked quite puzzled and asked, “What is this mission you are talking about father?”

“It is now the season of mangoes and santol which you and your brother like very much. A month or so from now on, the rains will come and it will be the season of avocadoes, which I like very much. A little later, it will be the month of lanzones. Everything, my son, has a season, everything has a time. When you are older, that will be the time I will share with you some secrets. You may play now and remember, you still have to study.”

He left and went to the park to play with his friends. Alone, I thought about the topic on balance. One had to do with the need to balance the heart and the mind. Many problems of women I had talked with had to do with getting carried away by their emotions. They give “evrerything”. To the man who also promised them “everything”. After all the passions had died down, the men had left them. These kind of men, and there are many of them, are just after the women’s bodies. Many men, partly because of advertisements that project women beside beer or alcohol, look upon women as objects of pleasure that men can buy and enjoy. Such men insist that they are superior to women. Therefore, women should submit to whatever they want or else. This of course is nonsense. Men, as well as women, are both human beings. They have the same biological genes and therefore should treat each other with equal respect.

In the eyes of our Father Above, we are all His children. We all have the same spiritual genes in our Souls. We all have the same birthright. He does not favor His Sons over His Daughters. The Father definitely is against the ill treatment, the abuse of His Daughters by His Sons. It is against His will. To hurt others physically, except in personal self-defense or collective self-defense as in the case of just wars, emotionally, and mentally is against our spiritual nature.

Often, women are fooled by the good initial showing, by the palabas (palabas means the outward physical appearance and good behavior) of men when they are courting the women. There is a natural impulse in all of us to get attracted to the other sex. This being a law of nature to ensure the propagation of species, women should use their minds to control this impulse and see whether the man courting them is sincere or not. Attraction between the opposite sexes is a natural thing. There is nothing wrong with it. But we must control it so we could use our minds to clearly see whether someone sincerely loves us or not. In the process of controlling this impulse, we deepen it and make our passions an expression of our affection and love for our special partners.

To eat food is also a natural impulse. If we do not properly handle this natural impulse for food, if we lose control and eat too much, we eventually get physically sick. It is so with attraction. We need to love and be loved but we must handle this love properly. The attraction must be accompanied by honest feelings of respect, of trust, of care, of love. If we lose control of this sex impulse and behave like animals, we will get emotionally and mentally sick. To control our natural impulses and to use them naturally, we must have balance. We must be able to balance our physical needs, our emotional needs, and our mental needs.

Young people in love should do things at the right time so life would not get complicated. So things will fall into their proper places. So they will have balance on their lives. Like the seasons, everything has its right time. One should know when to use his/her head and when to follow his/her heart. I once wrote a poem on this topic, part of which goes this way:

When a heart in love tends to go astray,

it is the duty of the mind

to put it back in the right direction.

When the mind tends to fear love,

it is the duty of the heart

to show how beautiful life can be

if we love someone sincerely

and more so, if in turn

we are also loved sincerely.

The heart and the mind,

two sides of a single coin,

each half needing the other

to become whole

one needing the other

to balance itself.

The ceaseless interplay

of the heart and mind,

at times, is simple

at other times, complicated

when ‘they are not in good terms’

and then simple again

when ‘they are friends again’.

In everything,

there is harmony

only when there is balance.

I also thought of the many imbalances in people’s lives because of our unjust social structure. So few own so much and so the majority of the people live in dehumanizing conditions. One very serious social problem is unemployment. Many people, in desperation, go abroad for employment. Many of the men become construction workers while many of the women become domestic helpers. Many of the women have been heartlessly abused by their foreign employers. Some women even have to stomach being entertainers of foreign men. Many families either have no mother or no father and this creates a great imbalance in the life of the family. The children are most seriously affected. They lack moral guidance and/or the much needed love and care. These two things, guidance and love, are very essential in developing a balanced personality. Indeed, a society that has so much imbalances in the distribution of wealth and power consequently reflects the imbalances in the lives of its people.

It was getting dark. I called Allen and told him it was time to study for soon we will be having dinner. He asked if he could have another 30 minutes. I told him he could have 15 more. He came home after 20 minutes and I said, “It is a good beginning, son.” He smiled and began to do his homework.

It was time to go to bed. As early as when he was three years old, I would tell him a short story as he would go to sleep. Before he slept, he asked if I could share just one of those secrets I would tell him when he grew older. I said, “You know, the reason why you love o play so much is because, in some of your lifetimes, you were a very good athlete. But you sis not give equal interest to your studies. You were also quite adventurous.”

With a puzzled look again, he asked, “You mean father that I have lived before? How is that? And how do you know these things?”

“Yes, you have lived many times before. As a Christian, you are taught that you have a soul. That is true. This soul inside your body is here in this world to learn lessons. In your case, one lesson you have to learn is how to balance your activities. Now, if you do not learn that lesson well until you die, you will have to come back in this world and study again how to have balance in your life. It is like in your school. If you fail to pass the final tests, you cannot go to the next (higher) level. You will have to repeat the same grade. And you know, you were also my son in a few lifetimes. As to how I know these things, sorry…secret! Sleep now. I love you, son.”