Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 17

On Lesbianism & Nature’s

Law on Balance and Harmony

One evening,

…an old lady friend visited me. We were together years ago at the movement foe nationalism and democracy. We had not seen each other for quite sometime. After some reminiscences of the good old days, she asked if I could do some fortune telling. I laughed a little and told her that it was not exactly fortune telling. But if there was anything she would like to know about, I would be very happy to find out what I could. A bit excited though somewhat less serious, she asked about her lovelife.

After a brief moment of silence, I asked her if she was seriously interested in pursuing the question. I told her that delicate and quite complicated issues were involved in her lovelife. Her once excited face turned serious. Somewhat challenged, she asked, “What can you really see? Tell me what you really know?”

I looked her straight in the eyes and said, “My dear friend, you asked about your future lovelife when your past and present lovelife need to be corrected. Right now, you are actually involved with someone like you, someone who is one of your kind.”

She then looked sad and confused. Still, she managed to say, “You know, I became like this only a few years ago. I became a member of a radical women’s organization. The organization gave me a series of lectures which focused on knowing yourself as a woman, on the common abuses done by men and on women’s rights.

“Later, one faction inside the organization gave me a few lectures on the kind of person we wanted to love physically, emotionally and mentally. They said that it was a matter of personal choice. They said that there was nothing wrong with having sexual relations your own kind. As they were principled women, I believed them. Later on, I became like them.”

I replied, “If a woman decides to have three boyfriends at the same time and have intimate relations with all of them, is it a matter of personal choice or is it a question of right and wrong? If a man decides to have three girlfriends, with you as one of the three, will you look at it as a matter of your boyfriend’s personal choice or will you confront him and tell him that he is fooling you, that it is a question of right and wrong? As far as I’m concerned, as far as the Truth is concerned, sexual relations between two people of the same sex is a question of right and wrong.”

“Assuming you are correct that it is a matter of right and wrong, how then do we know what is right and what is wrong?”

“That is a very good question,” I said. “Many religious people and social scientists have different views on this matter. A renowned sociology professor recently said that at present, sociology in Western countries follows a trend which views personal relationships as relative. There is no right kind nor a wrong kind of relationship. It is simply a matter of agreement between two or more consenting adults. Thus, lesbianism or gayism is a matter of personal choice as you have said. I believe otherwise.

Nowadays, due to the increasing frequency and intensity of natural disasters, more and more people are becoming aware of the “wholeness of nature”, the interrelatedness and importance of the various parts of nature. As the ozone layer continues to be destroyed, people suffer in various ways. In the Philippine context, when the rich and the powerful cut so many big trees, great floods and typhoons followed. Many people suffered and died. Many crops and other properties were destroyed. Indeed, trees play a very important role in the balance of nature. A lot of imbalances consequently lead to a lot of destruction. Such is one law on the balance of nature. This law also works on us.

“Nature made you a woman. If you accept it and play that role as you should, you will have balance and harmony. The body, the emotions, and the mind must be aligned to have peace of heart and mind. Such an alignment, such balance and harmony of the body, heart, and mind, is one of the basic things you need in order to have real and lasting happiness. Should you decide not to accept, should you decide not to play the role given to you, there will be a discord, an imbalance between your body vis-à-vis your emotions and mind. As a result, you will have deeper problems and more troubles because your balance will have been seriously disrupted. You will have no real and lasting peace of mind and heart.”

I paused for a while . . . then continued, “Another important issue here has to do with the different kinds of love we have for others and the corresponding kind of expression for each kind. Is it right for a father to show his love for his daughter by having sexual relations with her? Of course not! It is revolting, is it not? For the father must show his love for his daughter by providing her material needs as well as by guiding her to have the right values and the right outlook in life. There are other kinds of love – the love of children for their parents, love between friends, love of God, our Father Above, the love for our fellow men/women which is also called love for humanity and love for a special person with whom we want to share our life intimately for the rest of our life. This love for a special person is the only kind of love where the use of our bodies is right and beautiful. The kind of love you have for your own kind should be love between and among friends. Friends should share their problems of the heart and of the mind but should not share their bodies.”

“You argue well. Tell me, why do more and more women get involved with fellow women? Is this not a sign that lesbianism has become acceptable and possibly all right?” she asked.

“I am not arguing as if we are in a debate. I am just sharing something deep within me which I know as the source of Truth. On whether cases of lesbianism are increasing or not, I am not familiar with this issue. To say that more and more women are becoming lesbians and that this fact can mean that lesbianism is becoming acceptable and can be right, I wish to answer this point in this manner. There was a time when more and more men as well as women began to smoke cigarettes. It was then considered, the acceptable and the right thing to do. Much later of course, smoking was found to do much harm to one’s physical health. Thus, concerned people found out it was not the right thing to do.

Just because more and more people are doing one and the same thing doesn’t automatically mean that whatever they are doing is right. A certain trend can lead to a dead end or to a deep ravine. You must learn to think by yourself. Indeed, there are more lesbians now than before. It is most probably because more and more women are being fooled and abused by men. Our unjust society is so structured that those with great wealth and power indoctrinate through the mass media a great number of men o believe that women are objects of pleasure physically enjoyed with beer, alcohol, and cigarettes. For which reason, many men are merely interested in the faces and bodies of women. Men do not care about the women’s emotions and minds. Women are treated like toys with no emotions and minds. They exist only for men to play with. Once tired of playing with the same old toy, these very selfish men simply leave the woman behind. It is like discarding with an old toy. Eventually, they look for new toys to play with again.

Many women, after a sad experience or two at getting fooled, become bitter and/or afraid of men. In their confusion and fear, some of them may have turned to their own kind. We should understand them. They are the victims. We should actually condemn the men who did much to harm them. We should also condemn this unjust social system which encourages men to exploit women. We should listen to the women’s stories. Theirs are, indeed, very sad stories. Such sad experiences leave deep wounds in their hearts and minds. Such wounds take so much time to heal. We should patiently share our views and not impose these on them. Remember, ‘everything has a reason and a season’.”

I looked at her and there was a deepening sadness in her face. A few tears dropped. After a moment or so of silence, she said, “It is hard to change, my friend . . . quite hard. And, there are only a few men today who see you for what you really are. Men only see your face and your body. They do not care to see what is inside your heart and mind. Only a few men respect women nowadays.”

I nodded my head and said, “That is true. It is because of the nature of our society. But that should not stop you from ‘fixing’ your life. You must have two things to fix in your life, to have balance and harmony. You must first have wisdom to know what is right and what is wrong. In real life, in many cases we only begin to know what is right only after knowing what is wrong. Next to wisdom is the courage to follow what is right and to fight what is wrong.

Do you remember ‘the good old days’? We should continue our struggle to end the exploitation of man by man. Then and only can we finally remove the wrong values and ideas about women. Only then can all men and women have a deep respect for each other.

She said she had to go. She had an appointment. So she bade me goodbye. As she walked away, she said, “We should talk again. Thank you.”

I sympathetically smiled and said, “Thank you for trusting me with a deep secret. I would be very happy to talk with you again whenever you want to. Take good care of yourself. May you eventually find the right man.”

She looked at me with eyes that try to know the motive behind what I had said. After some seconds, she smiled. She walked away, looked back, then finally waved goodbye.

Some Notes on Sex, Love, and Happiness Chapter 15

The Fear of Bad Men

& Lesbianism

O

ne fine day,

… a student who lost a thousand pesos asked me to help her find it as she was told by some students of mine that I could find lost things and lost persons. I told her that I help those who deserve to be helped, and depending on certain circumstances. Anyway, I asked her, “In your case, do you have a suspect? If you do, kindly tell me his or her first name so it would be easier to find out what happened. Also, tell me your first name and that of your mother’s or your father’s.”

She gave the first name of her suspect and why she suspected the person. I told her to give me around 10 minutes to find out what happened. Meanwhile, I told her she could read or do her assignments while waiting.

After 10 minutes, I told her that her suspicion was right. Indeed, her suspect, who was her classmate in one subject, was the one who stole her money. That young man stole her money primarily because of wrong values and not because of financial necessity. The young man’s parents did not teach their son the right values in life. Instead, the parents taught their son that to have nice expensive things in life is very important, that people respect you, look up to you if you have these things. They reinforced the extreme consumerism, the extreme desire for signature items advertised and glamorized by media.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with wishing to have nice expensive things but one should not be obsessed with these things. Nor should you get respect from people by acquiring these things. If you become obsessed with these things, you reach a point where it will no longer matter how you get these things, whether rightly or wrongly. Further, you should earn the respect of good people by doing good things. Good people should respect you for what you are, what you have inside of you - your ideas, values, character and not for the nice expensive things you possess. You should bear in mind that the most important thing in life is having a good character, acquiring the right ideas, values and principles in life. Everything else is secondary.

This classmate of yours who stole your money comes from the middle class. He stole so he can buy the things he cannot afford. He has become obsessed with having nice expensive things. People of this kind have rough manners. They are mainly after pleasures of the body. They are selfish, unkind, ungentle and unmindful of other people’s feelings.

She then asked, “Can you do something to help me get back the money he stole?”

I said that while we know he stole it, we still could not establish a strong case against him unless there is a witness who actually saw him. Further, his Soul cannot also make him change his bad ideas and values to give you back the money because as he is a very selfish man, his Soul has little influence on him. I am sorry I cannot help you get your money back.”

Looking troubled and sad over the loss of her money and the impossibility of getting it back, she nonetheless thanked me. I thought she was about to say goodbye but then she said she had another problem, a personal problem she also wanted to consult with me if I have time. I said I didn’t have anymore classes and I could stay for 30 more minutes.

She then opened up her personal problem. “Ever since I was a child, as far as I can remember, I was not attracted to the opposite sex, to men. Since grade school up to high school, I studied in an exclusive school for girls. As you are a teacher, I guess you know that in such schools it is quite common to have a sort of girl-to-girl love relationship. I also had this kind of relationship and I took the role of the so-called boyfriend in this girl-to-girl relationship.

I am now a sophomore in our university which is coed. There are some young men courting me but I still feel nothing for them, I still do not feel attracted to men. Can you help me with this problem? What is wrong with me?”

“Many personal problems we have now can be traced to certain wrong experiences we had especially during our childhood years, the formative years. Part of your problem is obviously due to your wrong experience in that exclusive school. However, there might be more than just those wrong experiences. You said that as far as you can remember, you did not feel attracted to men. This could mean that even before those wrong experiences in high school, you already had that tendency, that predisposition to look for love from your own kind. While those wrong experiences in school reinforced your wrong tendency to love your own kind, these experiences were not the cause. There is a deeper cause.

Furthermore, many women I know who also went through such girl-to-girl relationship in such exclusive schools, overcame such wrong tendencies when they reached college, when their male classmates began to court them. Oftentimes, this girl-to-girl relationship is just like between close friends. As you did not overcome it, chances are your problem have deeper roots.

Give me around ten more minutes to find out what I could about your problem. Some personal problems are rooted in other experiences in past lives.”

After around ten minutes of silence, I said, “Indeed, it is rooted in your past life, the life you just had before this life. You loved and married the wrong man. Your husband treated you badly then in spite of your being a good, loving wife. You are not yet ready to know exactly what happened. Such detailed knowledge would only bring you more fear of men and more confusion. That is one important reason why many people do not remember their past lives. They are not yet emotionally, mentally and most importantly, spiritually mature to know such knowledge in their past lives. It is enough for you to know now that generally your husband treated you badly then. After some years, you finally separated from him which was the right thing to do. Thereafter, you developed a fear of, and hatred for men. That is the main reason why in this lifetime you feel no attraction for men. Every strong feeling, strong idea or a developed skill we learned from one lifetime is carried on to the next lifetime. Such is one of the laws of life, of karma, of reincarnation. Nothing is ever lost.

There is another effect of that trauma aside from your having no attraction for men. As it is part of our nature to love and be loved, to care and be cared for, to long and to belong, you turned to your own kind in search of and in need of such love, care and belonging. Furthermore, to avoid the possibility of being treated badly by your loved one, you took the role of the superior, dominant male so that you could control the relationship. You took the role of the boyfriend in a girl-to-girl relationship because in such a set up, you thought that your girlfriend cannot treat you badly as you have the upper hand. That is what I can share with you for now.”

She looked at me for a while with eyes full of curiosity, seriousness and doubt. After a few minutes she said, “What you have said sounds logical, it sounds true but of course there is no way for me to know whether what you have said is really true or not. Assuming it is true, what can I do to become normal again, to be attracted to the opposite sex again.”

“Your fear of, your hatred and your dislike of men, arose out of a very wrong, traumatic experience with your husband in your past life. That fear, hatred and dislike of men will always be inside of you until you learn to understand why you made that mistake and find out the lessons you have to learn from such mistake. Thus, to remove the fear, hatred and dislike, you must then analyze what went wrong, why you made the mistake of choosing the wrong kind of man to love and marry. For every experience, whether right or wrong, there is either a wrong or a right analysis, a wrong or a right conclusion and solution. A wrong analysis leads to a wrong conclusion and solution while the right analysis leads to the right conclusion and solution.

In that said past life of yours, you wrongly analyzed and concluded that since your husband treated you badly, most men, are to be feared, hated and disliked. Thus, your wrong solution was to turn to your own kind and to play the superior dominant role in a girl-to-girl love relationship.

Consequently, you became fearful, distrustful of any man, you decided to avoid having a relationship ever again with a man.

The simple truth is that not all men are the same. There are good and bad men, though today it would appear that there are more bad men than good men. One main reason for this of course is that many societies today are exploitative and male-dominated. Many men with much wealth and power are greedy and abusive. As part of their exploitative nature and practices, they look at and treat women as sex objects and as mere bearers of their children. They do not have respect for the woman’s body, feelings and ideas. Nonetheless, there are still many good men. Many of these good men have joined social movements that fight for social causes to make this world truly just and humane. Knowing and believing this simple truth is the first step in the right analysis.

The next thing to do is how to know whether a man is good or bad. Many men while courting women try their best to look good. Many of them will talk good, act good and wear good clothes. Of course it is one thing to look good and another thing to be actually good. While this is a simple idea, many women are still fooled by men’s nice looks, nice talk and nice clothes.

The most important quality of a good man is having a good character and not good clothes or good face and body. Thus, you should focus on knowing the true character of a person. Is it easy to know the true character of a person? Look at my shirt. Is it nice? Is it clean? It is easy to see whether my shirt is nice or clean because it is something solid that the eyes can see immediately. Is character like a shirt that is solid? No, it is not. Thus, you cannot see it immediately. Character can be hidden and bad men oftentimes hide their true nature.

“But that is the big problem. How can you know the true character of a man if he can hide it?” she asked.

“There are many ways of knowing the true character of a man. No matter how well he hides it, his true character will still come out in the way he talks and acts. For instance, observe how he treats his parents, his brothers and sisters especially those younger than he. The good man respects and helps his younger brothers and/or sisters instead of bullying them. A woman friend of mine once told me that she broke off with her boyfriend because of the way her boyfriend treated his kid brother in front of her. She and her boyfriend were watching TV when her boyfriend’s kid brother came and asked if he could watch his favorite cartoon TV show. She said that she did not like how her boyfriend roughly shoved his kid brother away. Right there and then she concluded that if a man could be this rough and unkind to his sibling, then he would not make a good husband nor a good father in the future.

Observe also how he treats the poor, those belonging to a lower social class. The good man treats them with equal respect, with understanding and with sympathy. He does not despise them.

On matters where you have different views or opinions, does he respect and appreciate your different point of view knowing that it is normal for different people to have honest differences of views? Or does he insist on his own point of view because his manliness depends on it and not because he believes in the correctness of his ideas?

Since character can be hidden, it takes time for one to really know the true character of a person. Can you know a person’s true character after a few dates? Of course not. Do not hurry in trusting and loving a person. A single mistake can cut a deep wound in your heart and mind which is very difficult to heal.

A man with a good character is patient, understanding, open-minded, kind and gentle. The good man will respect your body, feelings and ideas. He will not consciously hurt you. His manliness does not depend on forcing his ideas and values on you. Instead, his idea of a real man is someone who has good ideas, good values and good principles in life. These are just some ways of knowing the true character of a man. How to know the true character of a person is part of the lessons you have to learn in life.

So let us summarize our analysis, conclusion and solution: The first thing you should realize is that not all men are bad like your former husband in your last past life. Some men are good while some are bad though it appears there are more bad man than good men today. You chose the wrong man either because of the following - 1) you used the wrong criteria like good looks, intelligence or good financial status; 2) you used the right criteria which is a good character but you were not able to know the true character of the man before you decided to marry. The right solution is to take enough time to find the right man with the good character. Do not hurry. You could start with being friends with many months so you could get to know him well. That right man will remove your fears, hatred and dislike for men. That kind of man will make you happy.

Looking for love from your own kind is against the laws of nature. It creates a conflict , an imbalance between your body which must follow the laws of nature and that of your emotions and mind. It is wrong to have a female body and then develop emotions and a mind like that of a man, to act in a manly manner. To have true peace of mind and true joy in the heart, the body, the emotions and the mind must be balanced, must be aligned. We must live life in accordance with the laws of nature for we are a part of nature. While you may find fellow women with good character to solve your loneliness, love between people of the same sex should be a love between friends and not more than that. Close friends share problems but they do not share bodies.”

“You know I have tried to like some men courting me and yet it does not seem to work,” she said.

“Healing a deep wound in your heart and mind is a difficult, long process. There are no short cuts. The healing process starts with the courage to face the problem, then the sharing of the problem with trustworthy people. Next is finding the right analysis leading to the right conclusion and solution. Doing these things is a great achievement already but it is only half of the long process of healing. The other half, the more difficult half, is practising or applying the solution itself. Practice is oftentimes more difficult than analyzing in changing certain deeply-seated wrong ideas, values or habits. In this case, it involves taking the risk of loving a man again. While there are no guarantees that you will choose the right man, learning from your mistakes greatly reduces the chances of choosing again the wrong man.

If, in spite of being very careful in choosing another man to love, you still made a mistake because some bad men can really be very good at hiding their bad nature, you must immediately correct it by cutting off the relationship. You must immediately defend and protect yourself from a bad person.

When a problem is deeply-rooted like in your case, I also suggest a sort of prayer-meditation to further hasten the healing process. This meditation does not involve the use of magical, sacred words or phrases. It does not also make use of difficult postures. The truth is, as far as the Father Above is concerned, as far as the Spiritual Teachers/Masters Above are concerned, there are no magical, sacred words or difficult postures to do to be able to reach Them. They can know exactly your problems even if you don’t say or do anything. The most important thing for Them is to see that you have the right intention, the right things to ask for. They will not help someone who is just using special magical techniques to ask for special favors. These kind of people are usually just after things and powers for their own selfish goals.

The prayer-meditation I suggest goes like this: first, pay your respects to that ONE who created all, whatever you call Him. I call Him - The Father Above. Then pay your respects to other Higher Spiritual Beings serving Him. If you are a Muslim, you would naturally call on Muhammed; if you are a Buddhist, you would naturally call on Buddha and if you are a Christian, you would naturally call on Jesus and/or Mary and other saints. Then, pay your respects to your spiritual guides who are actually souls who love you and volunteered to help you now because at least in one of your past lives, you were with these souls. In those past lives where you were together, you loved each other either as friends, as husband and wife or as a parent and a child.

Second, ask Their guidance and help in overcoming your trauma. Here you have to be specific. You must say that you have realized why you made the mistake of choosing the wrong man to love and marry, that you know the right conclusion and solution, that you will not make that mistake again, that therefore you can leave the pain and trauma of the past mistake behind and move forward. Formulate this in a few paragraphs. See me again so we can do some fine tuning.

Next, think of someone who also needs help and then ask help from those Above for him/her. This is to remind you that in life, we must love, help and serve others for we are all children of one Beloved Father Above. Further, when you help other people heal their wounds, it helps you also to heal your own wound. Such is one good effect of good karma.

Finally, simply pay your respects and express your thanks again to Those Above whom you called upon to guide you and help you. Say this prayer-meditation once in the morning and once in the evening. Say it until you feel you have been healed already, that you are no longer affected by the trauma. After that, ask guidance and help to overcome other weaknesses and faults you have. Such a practice will help you to continuously improve your character and deepen your right outlook in life.

She still looked curious, serious, and doubtful. I told her I had to leave. She thanked me again for my time. As I stood to leave I said, “Take the time to think over what we have discussed. Some of the things I said are simple like the topics on the importance of good character. Some topics are deep like the laws of karma and reincarnation. On the simple things I said, find out whether a good character is really more important than good looks, high intelligence and good financial status. Ask those who are happily married and those who have suffered from a failed marriage whether what I have said is true or not. In life, when you are in doubt, you should check and recheck the facts, the analysis and the conclusions to resolve your doubts. You should not just set aside your doubts and blindly believe. Close-mindedness, fanaticism is very wrong. The Father Above gave you a mind for your own use. Learn to think by yourself.

As to the deep things I discussed, it is not true that you cannot know these things. You can know these things directly. Anybody can. But you must earn the right to know these things. You earn that right by continuously improving your character, by continuously developing the right outlook in life. Is it easy to develop the right ideas in life? For instance, to have the right ideas about women, how many men seriously find out on a regular basis, the wrong ideas they have about women and the wrong things they do to their girlfriends or wives? How many men try to find out how and where they got such wrong ideas and wrong treatment of women? How many men seriously study the right ideas and the wrong ideas, the right way of treating and the wrong way of treating the women they are supposed to love?

If you continuously increase your wisdom in knowing the right way of looking at life, if you continuously strengthen your resolve, your will to do the rights in life, if you continuously deepen your unselfish love and service for others, then someday, you will reach a point when Someone will come your way and show you how you can actually know these things. Thereafter, you will also get to know many other deep Truths. It has been said that when the student is ready, the Spiritual Teacher/Master will appear. Indeed, it is true. It happened to me sometime in 1994.

I hope you will come back and see me again. Take good care of yourself. Goodluck to your lovelife, to your right kind of lovelife!”

She shyly smiled as I bade her goodbye.

August, 1997

A Note of Clarification:

As discussed in some chapters of this book, we are in this world to take up The Course on The Right Way of Looking at Life or simply stated, How to Be a Good Person. As we take up this Course, we keep on going back into this world until we pass the many subjects of The Course such as how to be a good boyfriend/girlfriend, a good husband/wife, a good friend, a good parent, a good brother/sister, etc. Thus, if we have gone back into this world 20 times, if we have had 20 past lives, at the average of loving 2 special persons (one of which would be our husband/wife) in one lifetime, then, we have loved around 40 different special people. Thus, there is no such thing as the soulmate. The right man/woman to love is anybody with a good character. All other considerations, like relationships in past lives, social status, intelligence, compatibility, etc. should be secondary.

Most people have no knowledge of their past lives. One reason for this is because the ordinary person would be so confused, would not know what to do if he meets somebody who was his wife or husband in another past life, especially so if he/she is already married. That is why before you earn the right to know your past lives, you must reach a certain level of emotional, mental and especially moral/spiritual maturity. At that level of maturity, you have gained the wisdom to know the right way of looking at the many important aspects of life. Such wisdom for example, will show you the right way of looking at people who were once your husband/wife in another past life.

There are two poems here I wish to share. The first is an excerpt from a poem I wrote for a woman I met some years ago. When I checked why I felt a different kind of attraction to her, I found out that she was once my wife in one of my past lives somewhere in America, around the mid-1700s. When we met, I was already married and with two children. Accordingly, the right relationship for us was just to be simply good friends.

The other poem is meant for a young woman who I also felt special to me because we were happily together in some past lives across many centuries. This poem was about our relationship somewhere in Europe, sometime in the Middle Ages. Again, as I am now a married man, the right way of looking at the relationships I had with her in my past lives was to look at it as something in the past that belongs to the past and which no longer has a right place in the present. Thus, just like the woman in the first poem, the right kind of relationship for us now is to remain just good friends. At any point in time, we should always think about the right kind of relationship we should have with another person. It is one of the subjects we take up in The Course.

I am sharing excerpts of the poem I gave to her for two reasons. First, this book is about sex, love and happiness. My poem would show one real example of what the highest form of love is - the spiritual kind of love. At that level, what really matters is how to help the loved one unselfishly, regardless of the kind of relationship involved. A spiritual kind of love does not need physical intimacy, it has no need for physical, sexual expression, it does not need something in return. This highest kind of love can therefore be expressed in different personal relationships. Indeed, the highest expression of love is total unselfish service for someone and for all fellow men. All the Spiritual Teachers of Life have showed this example. The second reason is that this poem gives some background on why I am doing the things I am now committed to do.

Somewhere, Far Back in Time …

(excerpts)

In mid-1994,

… an ordinary-looking man,

a professional engineer,

a Spiritual Teacher of Life,

“opened a few doors” in my heart & mind.

An hour after, he said,

“It is now time for you

to know what you have to know

and do what you have to do.

Good luck!”

… then,

… my mind went back,

and further back in time …

… I began to recall memories of my past lives,

and I saw many scenes,

. . . of people

. . . of places

. . . of events that have become

so much a part of me.

… You were one of those special people,

… I “saw” many things between us,

some funny scenes as well as

some serious moments,

but thru it all,

there was much respect,

trust

and love for each other.

… One time,

you were with me in a farm

somewhere in America,

at a time,

when some settlers were

beginning to move westward.

… you were brave and strong,

a good cook of pork & beans

and mashed potatoes,

a bit rugged and “hilarious”,

loudly laughing at my jokes

and “funny ways”,

a loving wife and a good mother

of our children.

… there was one clear scene

I like most to remember:

… One evening,

we were sitting at a bench

near the door of our small house,

… feeling the soft cold winds passing thru

… silently listening to the “sounds”

of the “small creatures” of the night

… gazing at the stars,

at the moon

at the clear nightblue skies

… looking at our fields

and at the vast lands beyond it

… it was a beautiful night!

… then,

you looked at me in the eyes and

asked, “Will you still love me

when I get old? How much do you

love me? Are you happy with me?”

… and,

I held your hand,

touched your hard-working fingers

and felt the many years of labor

you have shared with me.

… then,

I looked at you in the eyes

and I said, “I love you very much.

You have been good to me and to

our children. I tried to give you

the best I could, though it is not

much. I am very happy with you.

I will love you even when you have

passed away. That is also a promise.”

… and,

you smiled and placed your head

on my shoulder … and,

I gently caressed your long

flowing hair a few times.

… then,

we silently listened to our hearts

… they began

to beat as one,

… and the night,

became more beautiful . . .

Pi-wi

1994

Even When You Have Passed Away

(Excerpts)

Sometime,

. . . far, far back in time,

in a simple setting,

in the countryside . . .

You were a village woman then,

. . . a bit tall,

beautiful and charming

. . . with innocent quite shy smiles

. . . with a long black flowing hair

. . . mild-tempered, sweet,

but with a strong, decisive character,

. . . you did not have yet then

your “tough ways”

and once-in-while “hot temper”

. . . your family had lands that were

more than enough but not too much

. . . many, many men sought to win your love,

many of them were rich and educated

and they gave expensive gifts,

but you thought that their gifts

came from their pockets,

and not from their hearts.

I was a simple farmer then,

. . . I had just enough lands

to decently raise a family

. . . one day,

“ against all odds”,

I decided to court you,

. . . I would go deep into the forest

to get flowers and give it to you

every time I would visit you

. . . then,

one late afternoon when I visited you,

you asked me,

“What kind of life can you offer to me

if I decide to choose you?”

. . . I said,

“I cannot give you more things that what

you have now. I don’t have much

lands. But, I will promise you this:

I will try my best to be a good

husband to you and a good father

to our children if ever . . . and,

I will love you forever . . .”

. . . and,

you stared at me in the face,

as if trying to measure

the depth and truthfulness

of what I had said,

. . . then,

after a while,

you happily smiled a little,

and I thought I saw

a ray of hope . . .

After some months,

“against all odds”,

you chose me,

I won your love,

and I was very, very happy!

When we married,

. . . I kept my promises

. . . and,

you were a very good wife to me

and a very good mother to our children

. . . though not quite prosperous,

we were one happy family

. . . and,

I continued to give you flowers

coming deep from the forest

and you would hum a song and smile

as you arrange the flowers on a vase . . .

A spiritual sage once said,

“When it became clear that the Master was going

to die, the disciples were depressed. The

Master said, “Don’t you see that death gives

loveliness to life? What is truly alive

must die. Look at the flowers; only plastic

flowers never die.”

When you are about to pass away,

you lovingly touched my face,

sweetly smiled,

and with a courageous calmness,

you said,

“I will never forget you.

You gave me a kind of love

that I will always keep in my heart.

Thank you.

Take good care of our children,

Take good care of yourself.”

A few more moments,

and you were gone . . .

and,

I felt a very, very deep loss,

and a very, very deep pain . . .

and,

I told myself,

“ I will love no other woman

until I too, pass away.

No other woman could ever take

your place in my heart.”

then,

I cried . . .

Even when you have passed away,

I would still go deep into the forest

and bring along our eldest son,

and we would get the flowers

and place it on your grave . . .

And,

when it was my time to leave this world,

I told our eldest son

to continue what I had done,

. . . to go deep into the forest

and get flowers to put

in your grave . . .

…x x x