Notes on Life and Learning Lessons: A note from the Author and Introduction

A Note from the Author

This is my first book. It is the kind of book many of my friends will not expect me to write. It is the kind of book I have never expected to write. Not until mid 1994.

In a small humble house, in an ordinary rural setting, I met a simple looking man. The man said that I was ready, in fact a few years delayed, for what I had to do. In an hour or so, he did something to me that forever changed the course of my life. That man was, in fact, a spiritual sage. From thereon, the puzzles and unusual experiences I encountered a number of times earlier became clear. I came to know who I really am and what I can be. I learned new kinds of knowledge and some skills which were commonly termed extraordinary.

A few months after that incident, one of the have to do’s became clear. I should help people analyze their important problems and experiences. I should help them find the lessons they should learn. Guided by the analyses and the lessons learned, they would see how to fix their lives. As they begin to see the right way of looking at life, they begin to grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

This book contains some of my interactions with these people. It also contains a few discourses on certain basic topics. Each interaction and discourse composes one “note on life” in this book. In view of the contents, I thought it best to entitle this book Notes on Life and Learning Lessons. Initially, I had no intention of writing the interactions. Late last year, I thought of writing them down in the hope that other people may find something useful and meaningful from them.

There is a general pattern in the development of these “notes on life”. The notes begin with simple issues and experiences. Beginning with note on life #15, the discussion and experiences become more and more focused on deeper and complex issues. The final note on life lesson #25 provides the general context and central of the book.

This general progression of topics, from a lower to a higher level of understanding life, from simple truths to deeper truths, is also a reflection of my own development of my own development in studying the “Ancient Knowledge of the Art of Living and Inner Wisdom”. This Ancient Knowledge is available to anybody who has a sincere and serious intention as well as the determination to know the meaning and purpose of life. I will soon be sharing this Ancient Knowledge, the Wisdom of the Spiritual Masters in a more formal way to anyone interested to anyone interested. I will be very happy to share all that I know.

Finally, I would like to express my sincerest thanks to the following people for their valuable contribution in the making of this book:

(1) the artists who shared their skills in drawing the sketches in particular Amor, Jun, Maike, and Sheibert. Their sketches and more importantly, their kindness have truly enriched this book;

(2) my good friend Francis who helped in the production;

(3) Rico Azicate, a co-teacher at UP, for my photograph;

(4) all those who shared their personal problems and experiences with me. I am honored for the trust and respect you gave.

(5) Emiliana U. Enriquez, the editor, I am very grateful for her special contribution. It was not by chance that she edited this book.

There are many excellent books on this Ancient Knowlwedge. There will always be Spiritual Teachers and Masters who will speak of this Knowledge. This is my way of presenting this Knowledge.

I sincerely hope that those who would come across this book will later find the time to take note of their experiences and the lessons to be learned. If the readers will do this, then this book would have served its purpose.

August, 1995

Introduction to the American International Edition

Sometime in the middle of 1994, I had a very unusual spiritual experience. A professional electrical engineer, with academic credentials equivalent to a doctorate degree in electrical engineering, told me I was ready to do what I have to do, that it was time to do my “mission”. There were risks, tests, he said that I have to undergo later to acquire the right to have unusual knowledge and skills. He did something to me for about an hour. He was sort of concentrating. I saw and felt nothing unusual with what he was doing except that I felt a certain kind of heat, a sort of some surge of energy throughout my body. After that, he wished me good luck.

Since then, many unusual things have happened to me. I began to know faster and more systematically, the right way of looking at problems, at issues, at relationships, etc. in conversations, I would share the right way of looking at a topic. Thereafter, people began to seek my advice on their problems. I began to know the real meaning and purpose of life not from books or other people’s ideas but from the same Sources other past and present Spiritual Teachers and Masters drew wisdom and inspiration from.

The meaning and purpose of life can simply be stated in this way:

The world is like one big school. We are all here to study “The Course”, which we can call, How to be a Good Person. Like many other courses such as Computer Science, Medicine, Engineering, Law, the Arts and Sciences, etc., there are subjects to take up. Some basic subjects we have to take up in “The Course” are how to be, a good son/daughter, a good brother/sister, a good friend, a good boyfriend/girlfriend, a good husband/wife, a good parent, how to stand up and fight for what is right and how to recover from bad, bitter experiences. Other subjects have to do with the right way of looking at sex, money, power, as well as the right use of such things. Like other ordinary subjects, we should take notes if we are to pass the tests. For instance, when young men come and tell me that they want to learn what I have known, I tell them they could begin by studying how to be a good boyfriend. I instruct them to buy a notebook, list down all the wrong and bad things they are doing to their girlfriends. Better, they should ask their girlfriends what they think are the wrong things they have been doing to them. Then I tell them to find out where they learned such wrong ideas and practices in looking at and in treating women in general and their girlfriends in particular. They should then avoid the things and/or people that had bad influences on them. Then, they should list down also all the right ideas and practices they should have compared to the wrong ideas and practices they are doing. Finally, they should write detailed, concrete ways to correct the wrong, bad ideas and practices.

They should also write the right things they are doing to their girlfriends. Similarly, they should also trace the roots where they got such right, good ideas and practices. They should continue to read such kind of good materials and/or continue their relationships with those good people who had good influences on them. Finally, they should think of good ways on how to further develop the right, good ideas, and practices. Then, I tell them to call me up when they are ready with their answers for us to schedule a sharing session of their answers. In this way, we learn valuable lessons from our own experiences and from other people’s experiences on the subject how to be a good boyfriend. It is also in this context why the book is entitled, “Notes on Life & Learning Lessons”.

Many people might find this presentation of life’s meaning and purpose as too simple. But, the basic truths are really simple. There are no very deep, complicated philosophical ideas involved. However, if I may ask, how many people take the time to seriously and systematically find out the wrong things they are doing to others, especially to their loved ones? Furthermore, how many consciously strive and succeed in developing the will, the courage to correct the wrong things?

Very few people do these things because our society teaches us that we must focus our lives on our careers, on earning more to buy more and as the logic goes, to become happier. Thus, we only seriously and systematically study things related to our work. There are no longer serious and systematic efforts to study how to become a good friend, a good neighbor, a good husband/wife, a good father/mother, on the right way of looking at sex, money, power, etc. Yet, deep down inside every person, he/she believes that it is very important to become a good friend, a good husband/wife, a good father/mother, etc. but still, very few take the time to study these things.

Somewhere along the way, as you pass many subjects of “The Course”, you will meet Someone who will show you other deeper truths of life for by then, you would have earned the right to directly know other unusual things. This is the Path I went through. This is the Path anybody who sincerely aspires to know the real meaning and purpose of life must go through. There are no shortcuts. There is no other path.

This is my first book where I share what I have known as the right ideas and values on the various issues of life – the right way of looking at people, at women, at sad and bitter experiences, at religions, at dreams, at lesbianism, at revolutionary movements and leaders, at karma and reincarnation, at psychic healing and so-called spiritual teachers, at what is right and wrong, etc. These are my “notes on life” a year after my unusual spiritual experience. I first published this book in my country (Philippines) in October 1995.

As we go on thru life, if we regularly take down “notes on life”, we will have more knowledge on the right way of looking at life. We will have higher realizations in life. The next major stage I realized is that in every experience, in any problem, there is always a right and wrong analysis. The wrong analysis leads to a wrong conclusion and one learns the wrong lessons. In this manner, experience becomes the worst teacher. Accordingly, the right analysis leads to the right conclusions and the right lessons to learn. Then, experience becomes the best teacher. For example, a person fooled by another person could analyze his/her experience by thinking that there are basically two kinds of people in this world – those who fool others and those who get fooled. Then, he will conclude that it is better to fool than to get fooled. Thus, his experience has taught him/her a very wrong, bad way of looking at life. Experience, wrongly analyzed, had become the worst teacher. The right analysis is that getting fooled is a bad, painful experience and that therefore, fooling people is a very bad thing. We should not fool and hurt people. One should help in stopping bad people from fooling others. Thus, this experience has taught him a right, good way of looking at life. Experience, rightly analyzed, has become the best teacher.

Some of the “notes on life” I took down after writing this book involved the right analysis of common problems related to sex, love, and happiness. This will be the focus of my second book, “Some Notes and Lessons on Sex, Love, and Happiness”. It is almost finished. I plan to publish it by September 1998.

I wish to give heartfelt thanks to the following people who helped in making this American International edition possible:

1. First to my mother, Pilar M. Aragon, who funded partly this book out of love for me and for believing in my ideas.

2. To my wife, Victoria, for helping me convince her relatives to invest. To my wife’s relatives, Uncle Pete & Auntie Precy, Peter, Butch and Linda, Agnes and Dan, Babet, Dr. Cirilo & Rose Farinas, Riza, Noemi, who invested because they believed in the importance and relevance of this book.

3. Special mention to Ma. Rizalina Lacsamana, my niece-in-law at Chicago, U.S.A., who persistently followed up the publishing of this book by AEGINA PRESS, Inc. I wish to thank her a lot also for the many long distance calls she never charged me in following up the publication of this book. Special thanks also to my brother-in-law Butch Lucina who also followed up the publication of the book.

4. Lastly, my heartful thanks to AEGINA PRESS, Inc. and University Editions, for publishing this book. In particular, my special, most heartful thanks to Mr. Ira Herman, managing editor, for believing that this kind of book deserves to be published in the U.S.A.

One last point. All of us have right and wrong ideas about life because everyone has right and wrong experiences in life. Furthermore, we also acquire right and wrong ideas from the social environment. Our first goal then is to find out the right and wrong ideas we have about life in general and about the many important aspects of life in particular. To correct our wrong ideas, we must first open our minds, examine which ideas are right and which are wrong. Part of examining our ideas is being also open to new ideas. But the new ideas can be right or wrong. Thus, we always have to be critical, we should always study carefully the old ideas we have acquired as well as the new ideas we encounter. We should retain only what is right. Indeed, to deepen our knowledge of right and wrong, we should be open-minded and critical.

The Father Above gave each and everyone of us a mind. We should use it and not let somebody else use it. Furthermore, we should use it correctly. We should not blindly believe something/someone. We should avoid fanaticism of every kind. We should carefully analyze old and new ideas before believing. And even after believing something at one point in time, we should still continue to test whether what we have believed in before is really correct or not. This is the right attitude in reading books like this. Such an attitude is the starting point of spiritual wisdom. Such wisdom, together with the will to do what is right and having unselfish love for others, will show you the Path that leads to real and lasting happiness.

Introduction

Some books of this kind have been written in different parts of the world. Though its purpose is a kind of spirituality, it does not purport to be religious. It appeals to the reader because it is not a “lie” like fiction. It is an experience; it is real. Notes on Life is about experience. To read is to experience experiences.

The author of the book is Danilo M. Aragon, born on 1 September 1953. His significant memories were those of a humorous, principled, sports-oriented, patient, and understanding father and a very kind and generous mother. The late Philippine Air Force Col. Pedro C. Aragon, Jr. was his father. Pilar M. Aragon is his mother. Home life provided Danilo Aragon traditional values of respect for women and elders, honesty, helpfulness, and integrity which he upholds till now. Years at De La Salle University, from elementary to college, instilled in him the Christian outlook of being seriously concerned with social problems like mass poverty, graft and corruption, and decadent values.

His involvement in the National Democratic Movement widened and deepened his knowledge of Philippine history and society. It gave him an opportunity to know first-hand the problems of workers, peasants, urban poor and minorities. He interacted with these people in the common search for a truly just and humane society. The Marxist tenet on the equality of woman with man underscored Aragon’s respect, affection, appreciation, and attraction to the opposite sex. To value life, all forms of life and to refrain from its indiscriminate use are echoes from both Marxist and Christian/Catholic ideology which find completion in his work and outlook.

Immersion in history has opened wide avenues for the study of various beliefs and religious scriptures. A major Asian religious belief notably permeated the pages of this book. Reincarnation is real and traceable. Reincarnation has a purpose – perfection. Man has a goal – to join his Creator, the Soul.

“Enlightenment becomes possible when we study our experiences and learn the lessons from them,” Danilo Aragon remarked. He is on the road, willing every single moment to achieve what should be. He stumbled upon his impetus in August of 1994. The same clarified, classified, and declassified all observed data, information, teaching and beliefs from childhood hence. A new dimension has been added to his thoughts, actions, and decisions.

The book contains segments of the diverse dimensions Danilo Aragon has perceived and employed. The stories range from the personal to the most private. The observations and evaluations are done with the intent to “help”, “to be of service.” As is the purpose of this book, it is the author’s only goal. He has not gone very far from his vocation. He teaches his own version of the truth.

Emiliana U. Enriquez, MA

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 1

Which is Bigger,

The Moon or the Star?

One night,

…my two young children and I took a stroll along the park.

The moon was almost quite full, the stars twinkled and there were only a few clouds. It was a lovely evening. I told my two kids to look at the nightblue sky and see the beauty of the moon and stars. Then I asked them, “Which do you think is bigger, the moon or the star?”

They immediately replied, “The moon, of course, is bigger!”

“Because that is what your eyes see. But let us do a little experiment.”

I told my younger son, Albert, who was six, to stay put in one place. I positioned his older brother, Allen, some 20 yards away. I stood 200 yards away from Allen. Then I loudly asked Albert, “Who looks smaller to you, Allen or me?”

He answered, “You look smaller Father.”

I asked again, “Who is farther from you?”

Albert answered, “You, father”.

Allen and I went back to Albert. Standing close to each other, I asked Albert, “Who is now actually bigger, me or Allen?” He said, “You, father.”

“I am like a star that appears smaller only because I am farther away. A star,” I said, “is much bigger than the moon but it looks so small because it is very, very far away.”

As we continued the leisurely stroll, I thought of sharing an idea or two about the real world. It is the duty of fathers to gradually prepare their children to see the world as it is – a world with good men as well as bad men. Many good men do not always look good while many bad men try their best to look good. It is also a world of so much beauty as well as one of so much poverty and injustices. Furthermore, it is the duty of fathers to inspire their children to contribute what they can make our world a better place to live in especially when the children have grown. Fathers can best inspire their children by setting an example of honesty, helpfulness, kindness, understanding, responsibility, and steadfastness on matters of principle.

We stopped for a while then I said, “Sometimes, what you see is not what you think it is.” Some people dress nicely and behave smoothly. The nice dress and the smooth behavior do not necessarily mean that they are good people. Some of them are corrupt. They cheat, they steal and they lie. Some speak fluently and convincingly but they are actually liars. Some do not have fine clothes to wear because they are simple workers but they are good and honest. Remember, The Father Above gave us eyes to see. He also gave us a mind to look deeper into what we must see. We must use both to know the truth.”

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 2

The Saturation Point

I once told a good friend of mine that he should be thinking of marriage for he was already 40. He said he still wanted to enjoy going out with different women. He believed that a man ought to get married only after he had gotten over his desire to chase after women, only after he had reached the saturation point. He believed that only then would he remain loyal to his wife. With a grin, he said, “Is this not true, my good upright friend?”

I smiled ad thanked him for his compliment. Then I said, “Some men have to go through the experience of knowing different women to find the kind of woman they are compatible with in accordance with their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses. For instance, if the man finds that they are both emotional and temperamental, the man may decide that they probably will not make a good couple. Knowing different women with different levels of maturity helps the man know the difference between love, affection, and long-term commitment, on one hand, and lust cheap thrills, one-night stands, and short-term affairs on the other hand. In the process, men deepen their knowledge of the important things worth-considering in good personal relationships. I am sure you have undergone such experiences. I am sure you have found some women more compatible and more mature than others.”

He nodded and I continued, “Some men, however, continue to chase after women out of a weakness in personality, out of a basic flaw in character, out of a basic error in outlook. They simply see women as objects of pleasure. They are only after the bodies of women. They do not care about a woman’s heart or mind. They are very selfish men. Such men do not cease the chase. They have no saturation point. They only have a pause, a rest. They will again chase women after sometime. A man stops his cheap thrills with women only after he has began to develop a respect for women much like the respect he has for his mother and sister. Man loses his lust for women only after he has matured emotionally, mentally and spiritually which means he has gradually become less selfish.

I kept silent for a while. My friend looked at me seriously. Finally, I said, “My good friend, take time to find the real reasons behind your desire to chase after women. Marry for the right reasons. When you have the right reasons and have found the right woman to love forever, do not forget to invite me.”

There was silence. After a few minutes, he happily smiled.

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 3

On Forgiving

And Moving On

I once met a good old friend. We had not seen each other for 12 or 13 years. She helped my wife and me in a construction project near her town in Bicol. She was actually a good friend of a good friend. She treated us like her own younger brother and sister. A great Teacher of Life once said, “return kindness with kindness, helpfulness with helpfulness”. I invited her to stay at my house while she was here in the city. She happily accepted my invitation.

One afternoon at home, I asked her if she has forgiven her husband for abandoning her and their children for another woman. She said, “I have forgotten about it. I don’t think about it anymore.”

However, I felt the deep pain that was still in her heart. I told her to look at the coconut tree in front of my house. Then I told her to close her eyes. I asked her if the coconut tree is still there even if she does not see it anymore. She said, “Of course.”

Then I explained, “The pain in your heart when your husband left you and your husband is still there even when you say you do not think about it anymore. You can only leave the pain behind you when you have learned to forgive him.”

Perhaps she recalled that traumatic experience because her face began to look bitter. Quite emotionally, she replied, “How can I forgive him when he hasn’t even asked forgiveness? Do you expect me go to him and tell him that I have forgiven him?”

I calmly replied, “Do not tell him that you have forgiven him if he has not asked for forgiveness. It simply means that he has not yet clearly seen the gravity of his error. He might not see his error anymore if you forgive him prematurely. It is a different matter to just tell someone you have forgiven him and yet, there is still so much bitterness inside of you. It is entirely a different story when you forgive him in your heart. You should only forgive a person directly if he has repented and has asked for forgiveness. Forgiving a person in your heart concerns only yourself. So long as the bitterness in your heart remains, you cannot move forward in life as you should, for the bitterness is like a heavy load that pulls you down…it weakens the warmth of friendship you share and feel with your friends, it diminishes the love you give to your children, it lessens the brightness of your day and the peacefulness of your night. Try to look at that sad part of your past as an experience to learn from. Study the experience. Find out what went wrong and why you failed to correct the wrong things. Get the lessons to be learned, leave the pain behind and move on.

Always remember that the road ahead still has twists and turns, ups and downs. Use all the lessons you have learned from life to guide you. That way you make less mistakes. You will then have fewer sad experiences and more happy experiences. Move on, my friend, move on and…good luck!”

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 4

Which is More Important,

Intelligence or Character?

Nowadays,

…more and more marriages are breaking apart. I once talked to an old friend whom I had not seen for many years. “What went wrong with your marriage?” I asked.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” she said. “My husband just told me one day that he didn’t love me anymore and that he was leaving me for another woman.”

“Did you do something seriously wrong? Did you treat him well?” I asked.

She said that she had honestly looked into herself whether she had done something seriously wrong to deserve abandonment. She swore she had not done any serious mistake and that she had been, in fact, a good wife.

“If that is the case,” I said, “then it is your husband who is at fault.” It is your husband who has a basic flaw in character. If I may ask, what important characteristic of your husband attracted you most?”

“It was his intelligence. He was an honor student and he talked intelligently on many matters.”

“And what about the goodness of character, is this not more important?”

“He was also good to me, especially when he was courting me. Besides, an intelligent man knows very well what is right and what is wrong,” she replied.

In pursuit of her logic, I continued, “He knew it was wrong to leave you and the children. He did it just the same. What lessons are to be learned here, my friend?”

She was silent for a while, then she said, “Obviously, knowing what is right and what is wrong is very different from doing what is right or wrong. The person who has goodness of character will most probably do the right thing than the brilliant guy.”

Then, I added, “Being intelligent, having a sharp mind, is like having a sharp knife. You can either use the sharp knife to cut vegetables and meat, cook a good meal, and feed many people, or you can use it to harm people. On the other hand, the goodness of character is an instrument to serve people. It is thus, a good thing. In comparing the two, the good thing is definitely superior to the neutral thing. My friend, it will be good if you can share this knowledge to your children. In our society, where wealth, power, and intelligence are considered the most important things to acquire, many people do not see that the truly most important thing to aspire for is the goodness of character. A basically good and honest person will try his best to live up to his promise that for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in plenty or in poverty, he will stand by you till the end.”

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 5

On Looking at

Beautiful Women

A good friend once discussed with me a frank issue.

“Let me ask you a straight question,” he said. “As you are now becoming more and more concerned with right and wrong, do you not at times look at beautiful women? At their faces and sexy bodies??”

I smiled. I was amused by his frankness and at our man’s talk. “Thank you for your candidness,” I replied. “When I see a beautiful woman, I cannot help but take a second look. You see, there are two ways of looking at a woman. One is to look at her with a lustful eye. Another is to look at her with a respectful and appreciative eye. Good artists have respectful and appreciative eyes. When they paint the faces and bodies of women, they see beauty in their symmetry, in their curves, in their proportions. They see the beauty in womanhood. Men with a lustful eye can never understand this.

“To develop an artist’s eye, which is actually looking at life with the eyes of the Soul, try to see other beautiful things and other creatures around you – the many interesting shapes of clouds, the bright colors and changing hues of sunrise and sunset, the various shapes, colors, texture, and smells of beautiful flowers, mountains, valleys, lakes, rivers, seas and great oceans, trees, birds, insects…the beauty of Mother Nature. Have you ever noticed the symmetry in the lines of a leaf? Have you ever noticed that some leaves are heart-shaped?

“Try to deepen your insight by thinking about the Great Hand that created such beauty and wonder. Such insight can lead you into knowing more about the Great Artist who made all these wonderful things and creatures. Such knowledge will help you to gradually see the beauty in the faces and bodies of women.

“If you have a lot of goodness in your heart, you will appreciate the beauty of trees for what they are. If your life is predominantly focused on getting more and more money, power and pleasures for the flesh, you will see the color of money in the trees you cut down….you will ravage the beauty of Mother Nature in the same way you ravage the beauty of women.

“There is also beauty in relationships between people who are genuinely concerned about each other’s physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual growth. There is beauty about people who have much respect, trust, care, and love for each other. The good parents’ deep concern for their children’s growth, the warm handshake of a true friend and the sincere offer of assistance when you need it most, the promise of a loved one that no matter what, you can count on him/her, or young men and women who work abroad and sacrifice so much to help their families, carry in themselves beauty that more than meets the eye.

“Remember how your mother cared for you when you were still a baby and a young child. Such is a beautiful moment in your life. Your mother is a woman. To develop an appreciative and a respectful eye is difficult but it is the right thing to aspire for. To have a lustful eye is so easy but it is the wrong thing to follow.

“I guess the somewhat surprised look on your face means that you find my answer quite different. Indeed, my friend, what is right is totally different from what is wrong. And the more you see the difference, the wiser you become.”

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 6

Waiting for the

“Right Man” to Love

One day,

…a student enrolled in one of my classes requested me to read her palm. Since I was in a rush, I asked her what she wanted foremost to know. She told me to look first into her lovelife. After looking at the lines associated with this part of her life and cross-checking it with other sources, I told her that on her 26^th or 27^th year, she would meet someone who was an old flame. This man loved her once somewhere in the distant past.

Then she asked, “Ah, is he my soulmate?”

She looked very serious and I half-smiled at her. Then I replied, “Consider him one, among others, who crossed your path a few times, sometime, far back in time. In those few times that you met, at least in one lifetime, he loved you deeply.

“Will we get married?” she quickly followed up.

She was getting quite excited. I seriously answered, “The law of karma can only make you and him meet again at a certain point in time. The outcome of that meeting will definitely depend on your free will as well as on his. Such is the relationship between karma on one hand and free will on the other. Either you are scheduled to meet again to solve a problem between yourselves that has remained unsolved in a previous relationship from another lifetime or you meet again to continue an old happy love story which you have desired and have decided upon in another lifetime.”

She asked again, “But why so late, at 26 or 27? I am only 18 now and I cannot seem to wait that long.”

I paused for a while and thought about the strong tendency of young people nowadays to be impatient and impulsive. Then I told her, “In many cases, when we rush, we make mistakes. When we read a book too fast, we miss many important ideas. When we copy something too fast, we miss some words or copy wrongly. If we run too fast, the chances of tripping are higher. If we eat too fast, we get indigestion. The same is true for love. When you rush for it, when you give yourself to someone you barely know and get intimate with him right away, your chances of committing a mistake are very high. Chances are the man is only good at the beginning. Being fooled leaves a very deep wound in the heart and such a wound takes a long time to heal. It is good to be careful with matters of the heart. It is good to take time to know more of the man. So much happiness, as well as so much pain, depends on choosing the right man.”

Someone wisely said, “Take time to look for the right person as well as be the right person.”

I paused for a while, reflecting on why soulmates usually meet later in life. They meet, oftentimes, from the mid-20’s to the early 30’s.

“There is always a good reason why certain important things come to your life at a specific point in time. Perhaps, at more or less 26 to 27 years of age, both of you will be mature enough to discuss and resolve correctly certain important matters. Then the chances of successfully solving an old problem or successfully continuing an old beautiful love story are greater.

“The right person does not necessarily have to be your soulmate. Consider the fact that the last time you were together with your soulmate was many, many years ago. While you might have been very happy with him at that time, between then and now, many things also happened to him. Many things had happened to you. He could have changed. You could have changed. All people change. Some change for good, some, unfortunately, for worse. So, when you meet him now, use your mind first before listening to your heart. Remember, regardless of whether he is your soulmate or not, the right man is the one who is sincere in his intentions and who will try his best to make you happy. He will try his best to be a good husband to you and a good father to your children. Remember, the right man is anybody with the right character.”

She looked serious for a while. Then I told her I had to leave. She smiled and thanked me.

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 7

A Part of the Truth

vis-à-vis

the Whole Truth

A friend once told me, “Your words have many truths about life. Tell me, do you know the whole Truth? I am a Christian, a Catholic in particular. Will my religious beliefs help me to know what you have known or will it merely limit my knowledge of the whole Truth?”

I thanked him for his compliments and felt a bit shy about it. Then I replied,

“Let me begin my answer by paraphrasing a spiritual sage I read about a long time ago when I was searching for truths. He said: Truth is like a mirror shattered through time into a thousand pieces.

I guess some people walking along the road of life found a few pieces and were amazed by its beauty, its magnificence, and the wisdom of the words written on them. They then declared that this was the Truth, the whole Truth. Later, they called many people to see it. The people marveled. They were awed. Those who found the few pieces invited the people to worship these few things and to follow whatever was written on it. These founders of pieces of truth consequently made their own interpretations of what they saw written on it. Some of them made good interpretations while some of them misinterpreted it. Worse, some used it later to enrich and empower themselves at the expense of their followers.

I stopped for a while and thought about how some religions had misled and confused many people regarding their real situation. I thought of religions which taught the poor people that their poverty is due to their lack of faith. A certain religion in a country with a very big population taught that poverty, which afflicted the broad majority of their people was a result of karma. Social problems have social causes. The real cause of mass poverty is the concentration of wealth and power on a selfish few.

After reminding myself the question she asked of me, I continued, “There were also some who found other pieces of the Truth. They also marveled at it and said, ‘Such a beautiful piece. Such wisdom in the words written. We should treasure it. But it appears to contain only some pieces of the puzzle we call life. We should look for the other pieces. Perhaps, it is in other places or held by other men.’ Tell me, my friend, what is the relevance of this to your faith?”

He thought for a while and said, “My Christian faith, if I follow the logic of your story, contains only some parts of the whole Truth. But where and how will I find the other parts? And if I see what appears to be part of the whole Truth, how can I know whether it is genuine or not?”

Seeing the sincere search for the whole Truth in his eyes, I said, “Practice first faithfully what you have known from parts you have. At the end of each day, before going to bed, have a little reflection. Find out what went wrong and what went right during the day measuring right and wrong on what your religion has taught you. Remember that a part of the Truth also contains many truths though sometimes, people are confused and misled by bad interpretations of the truth. Find out how you handled the wrong things as well as the right things. Continue the things you handled correctly. Regarding the wrong things you did, find out why you made the mistake. Some mistakes have simple causes; others have deep roots. For instance, impatience and the inability to understand another person may be due to the simple pressures of life. However, in some cases, some weaknesses may have deep roots in one’s childhood experiences. If you did not see and feel the virtues of patience and understanding from your parents, how can these virtues be part of you?

Our parents, like everybody else have strength and weaknesses. Of course, some parents have more weaknesses than strengths and consequently, their children suffer. Whatever virtues our parents failed to teach us, we have no other way of learning except by learning it ourselves. In life, we must learn to teach ourselves. We must continuously find out what is the right way and what is the wrong way of looking at things and at people.

After some time, if the Father Above sees how sincere and serious you are in trying to follow His will based on the few parts that you know, He will gradually lead you to the other missing parts. Never claim to know more than what you really know. Do not say you know the whole Truth when in fact, you only know some parts of it. Other people also searching for the Truth might have seen other parts which you have not seen yet. Be open-minded and critical. To be open-minded means to open your mind to new ideas. But new ideas can be right or wrong. Thus, you must have a critical mind to find out which new idea is right and which is wrong. It will do you a lot of good if you exchange notes with these people who might be holding the other parts. Be honest. Be patient. Keep on doing this everyday and every night, no matter what happens. One day, you will find what you have been looking for – the whole Truth.”

He said he found my brief explanation interesting and that it was sad that he had to leave soon. He asked for a few more elaborations. I told him that there is, I believe, another important not-so-obvious thought beneath the analogy of truth being like a mirror. I asked him, “Everyday, especially in the morning when you wake up and look at the mirror, what do you see?”

He said, “Of course, I see myself as I fix myself. I mean, as I wash my face and my body, shave my beard, comb my hair and fix my clothes.”

Then I told him, “Everytime you look at the mirror, do not just fix your physical appearance. More importantly, fix also your emotions, passions, desires, and your mind. If you do this, you will become a much better person, a person with less and less problems. Then, you will have more and more balance and harmony. Someday, when there is little left to “fix” in your body, heart, and mind, you will realize that there is something inside of you that is an indivisible part of the Source of the whole Truth. That realization will lead you to the Ultimate Source of the whole Truth.”

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 8

On the Wearing of Sexy Clothes

And Buddha’s Middle Way

I once met a former student at the university canteen. After the greetings, we had a light talk. In the course of our conversation she said that she would go on a blind date the following evening. The date was arranged by a friend who said that her date was good-looking. She asked me, “I know sir that you are a bit conservative. Do you think it would be good for me to wear sexier clothes so I would look more appealing?”

I laughed. Then she said, “Serious na tayo, Sir (Let us be serious, sir). I am now 25 and I believe it is time to seriously consider getting married one or two years from now. So, what do you say?”

I stopped laughing. Realizing that she really wanted a piece of advice, I said, “So we are now serious. If you wear sexy clothes, either you attract the wrong kind of men or you meet a good man whose sexual instincts will be aroused when he sees you. He will see you as a sex object. He will focus his attention on your body. He will no longer be interested in knowing what is inside your heart and mind.”

“But isn’t physical and sexual attraction important?”

“You were once a student of mine in Asian history,” I said. “Do you remember a great Asian teacher who once spoke of the Middle Way? There is great wisdom in His teachings. If I will apply that general principle to your question, I will say avoid the two extreme ways of looking at sexual or physical attraction. To view it and behave as if it is not important, as if it does not exist like what some religious people do, is wrong. The fact is, it is there, it is natural. It is a part of us and therefore we should use it. To treat it as if it is the most important thing in life, to allow our passions and desires rule our lives is also equally wrong. For our passions and desires are like flames. The flame can be used to warm people’s hearts and to make them feel our love and affection, or it can be used to burn others and ourselves to the ground. The point to remember is this: while sexual or physical attraction is a natural part of us, we must use it correctly.

I paused for a while. I thought of sharing further the idea of how passions and desires can be transformed into something “higher”. So I continued and said, “If you continuously use passions and desires to express love and compassion for others, you purify your emotions. Later, you will notice that in the process, your intimacy with the person you love becomes more and more meaningful and wonderful. At a certain point, such intimacy becomes so beautiful, for depth has found depth.”

She said that what I said sounded good though a bit heavy. She looked a bit confused. She asked again, “So what should I wear? Should I wear clothes like those of nuns?”

I laughed again. Then I said, “Hindi bagay sa’yo ang magsuot ng damit pang-madre! (Wearing a nun’s dress does not fit your personality!)” Seriously, just dress neatly, smile and talk calm and clearly when you meet him. On meeting and talking with a person, a Taoist once said:

Too loud and we are not heard. Too bright and we are not seen. Too fancy we are hidden. Too much and we are obscured. Let speaking come from deep within.

Is the saying too heavy? I am just trying to refresh your memory regarding Taoism which we used to study in Asian history. Anyway, since you are basically a good and sincere person, just be yourself. If your blind date doesn’t find you ‘attractive enough’ even only as a good friend, then he is probably not looking for someone to love forever but only for a cheap sex thrill. Forget him. He is not the right man for you. A good man never plays with people’s lives for our life is a precious gift from Someone Above.”

She then replied, “Heavy na kayo, Sir, (You are now profound, Sir,) but I am glad I talked to you. I will just be myself when I meet him tomorrow. I really hope to see you again.”

Before bidding her goodbye, I said, “Your friend has said your date is good-looking. Give more weight to his character. Good looks are good only for another 25 more years or so. It has nothing to do with having a good boyfriend. A good character lasts a lifetime. It has a lot to do with having a worthy companion in life. Goodbye and good luck!”

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 9

On Learning

To Know

People Better

A lady friend and I had a little talk at school. She said, among other things, that she had a new boyfriend. I saw a little glow in her eyes.

“How well did you know him before he became your boyfriend?” I asked.

“Not much but he looks like a good man,” she said.

“Do you think he loves you sincerely?”

“I am not sure. Will you help me check? A common friend of ours said that you have ‘a special way, a special skill’ of knowing things. Can you use it now so I can know if my new boyfriend truly loves me?”

I smiled and replied, “A spiritual sage once said that life here is like one big school. We are here to learn lessons from life so we could progress towards knowing who we really are and what we really can be. I believe that one important lesson we have to learn is how to know the sincerity of a person relating with us. I once wrote a poem on this topic. A few lines go this way:

Learn how to listen to what is said,

as well as to what is not said

Learn how to see what is given for us to see,

as well as to see what is kept hidden

Learn when to trust,

and when you have to know more of a person.

“If I told you now what kind of man your boyfriend is, you will not learn the lesson you have to learn. If a parent does the homework of his/her child, the child does not learn the lesson well. I should not do your homework for you. If I do, I will be a bad Teacher of Life.

“However, if after some repeated attempts, you still cannot seem to get the right answers, please see me. I will share with you a few relevant experiences and insights. I will also give you similar problems to solve…an additional ‘homework’.”

She was amused by my answer. After a while, she smiled and thanked me

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 10

On the Difference

Between Love and Pity

A good old friend once came by to see me. He said he wanted to consult me on a very important problem. I said I was honored that he considered consulting me. I asked him what his problem was.

“There is someone I love. She is much younger than me. She had an unfortunate childhood experience. She comes from a battered family. Whenever she has a problem and I want to be of help to her, she thinks that I do it out of pity and not out of love for her. She has repeatedly turned down my offer of assistance.”

“How much do you love her?” I asked.

“Very much…deeply,” he said.

I saw in his eyes that he was telling the truth. Then he asked me, “Tell me, what is the difference between love and pity?”

I thought about the problem of battered children and wives. Almost a year ago, there was a conference on violence within the family. The conclusion was that it had increased considerably. As the family is the basic unit of society, the problem then is not personal. This is a social problem, a serious social problem.

The problem must be confronted seriously. For while the physical wounds can heal in a week or so, the much deeper wounds in the hearts and minds of battered children and wives can take many, many years to heal. Those who are less strong are never table to heal completely.

The conspiracy of silence must be broken. It must be shattered. Such silence actually is deafening to the victims since they suffer deeply in silence. The government and all concerned people should not cover up this social problem nor should they take a look at it lightly. There should be decisive laws and more public concern in stopping brutal men from battering their helpless children and wives. Such brutal men should be put behind bars to stop their cruelty. Such men are heartless criminals with distorted minds. In the shattering of the deafening silence, in the sharing of the pain, the healing begins.

I sadly looked at my friend and answered, “When there is someone who needs help, love and pity share a common goal. It is their desire to answer the immediate problem of the person. But, pity has a different way of looking at the person. It has a different way of looking at life. Pity does not involve itself with the roots of the problem. It does not concern itself with helping the person heal his/her wounds in the heart and in the mind. It is not concerned with the long-term goal of helping the person stand up on his/her own two feet. Nor is pity concerned with helping the person face life’s difficulties. Pity is only concerned with giving immediate relief like giving relief goods to disaster-stricken people or a peso or two to beggars and the poor street children. It will be a good start for people to search deeper for the root causes of such a social problem. Most of them, however, after the relief goods or money have already been given, forget the victims.

“Love, on the other hand, while being concerned with the immediate problem is also and more importantly concerned with the long-term goal of helping people understand life more. Love encourages them to seek and to fight for the good and noble life.”

“That is what I have been doing, sharing my experiences, listening to her problems and giving my views on her problems. But why could she not see that I love her? Instead, she only thinks that I pity her.”

“Perhaps the answer is in her sad past. There is so much pain in her heart. There is much confusion in her mind. Her dignity has been deeply wounded. She believes that to regain that dignity, she must refuse any assistance. In a way, it is a good thing that she strives to solve her problems through her own efforts. That will strengthen her character. You should be proud of her for striving to be self-reliant.

“But the problem comes when her best id not good enough. At that point in time, she actually needs help but doesn’t want help and so, she gets confused and bitter. Because she sees any offer of help as ‘out of pity’, she refuses to be loved by those capable of loving her. This situation makes her unable to love others. The wound in her heart can not be healed unless she learns how it is to love and to be loved. Until she learns that lesson, she will not be able to see clearly nor feel deeply what is truly in your heart.

“I suggest you refrain talking about that offer if yours to help her. When she herself wants to talk about it, that is the right time to offer your help again. Just tell her that anytime she needs you, you will always be there. Tell her that it will make you happy if you can help her for it is a way of expressing your love for her. Meanwhile, focus on sharing your humor and laughter. If you wish to share with her some of the things you have learned in life, remember that while your experiences and insights can help clear her sometimes confused mind, only gentleness, kindness and lovingness can heal the deep wound in her heart.

“And don’t forget – she is still quite young as you have said. Be patient. Remember how you thought and behaved when you were that young also. There are stages of development in life that we all pass through. It is up to us to hasten or slow down our progress depending on how fast or how slow we wish to learn from our experiences. Sadly speaking, some refuse to learn and so they keep on repeating the same mistakes. They get stuck on one stage of life.”

He stood up and said, “I have to go now. You have thrown a new light on a few important things that have troubled me for quite some time. Now, my heart feels lighter and my head, clearer. Indeed, you have changed. My friend, thank you very much. I hope to see you again.”

“I would be very happy to see you again. Bring along the young woman you deeply love. I would like to meet her. You know, my friend, we all change. Some change faster, some slower…some change for better, some, sadly, for worse. If we spend a little time everyday to look into our weakness, to study them and then to resolve to overcome them, we will change faster for the better. Goodbye. Take good care of yourself.”

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 11

On a “Moment of Weakness” and

The Breaking of a Beautiful Vase

I once attended a history conference in the province. During the morning break, a woman in her late twenties approached me and asked if I remembered meeting her. I replied that most probably, she was a former student of mine. She smiled and said that indeed it was some ten years ago. I shook her hands as I asked how life had been since I last saw her. We shared a few stories and a few reminiscences.

While I asked about what happened to some of her classmates, a young beautiful child, between five to six years of age, approached her and held her hand. I asked if the child was hers. She said yes. I inquired about her husband. She said that her husband was working abroad. I commented that the child was more beautiful than her. She laughed. At this juncture, the emcee of the program announced that the break was over and that the program will commence in a few minutes. I told her that it was so nice to see her again and we parted ways.

At lunch break, she sat by the table next to mine. When lunch was over, I joined her at her table and we resumed the discussion on the lives of her former classmates. In the course of our conversation, a troubling thought crossed my mind. I told her, “There is something serious I want to tell you about. Your husband loves you very much and he is working hard to give you and your daughter a good future. You have no problem with him. Your family right now may be likened to a beautiful flower vase with beautiful flowers in it.

“Because of certain unplanned circumstances, you saw again an old flame, a former classmate. It now appears that there are a few sparks beginning, so to speak. It may lead to a flame again. A single mistake, a moment of weakness, can make the vase fall and break. It will be very difficult to put the broken pieces back again, and restore it to its original beauty. Of course, with courage, sincerity and love, the vase can be made beautiful again. Painting it with new and different bright colors may cover the cracks. But, it is a lot better, a lot wiser not to break the vase in the first place so that much pain can be avoided.”

She appeared a bit shocked and said, “How could you know these things? Could you read minds? Could you see auras or something like that?”

“If I told you how I could do it, would that knowledge help you in any way? Focus on what I said. In your case, let the past belong to the past so you could still remember it as beautiful as it was before. The part of your past no longer has a right place in the present. Only if you are no longer happy with your husband for good reasons, of course, it is right for you to seek happiness in somebody’s arms. Till then, I advise you to think ten times before you decide to break the vase.”

She said that her nights were lonely and cold. She also needs warmth. I replied, “Seek warmth from your daughter, from your own family, from your friends and other loved ones. If that is not enough, I suggest that you talk with your husband and discuss what is more important: a whole happy family together with less money or a family with more money but with a greater possibility of breaking up. Be open to him. That is the right way to solve your problem.”

As the afternoon program commenced, she thanked me and asked if she could see me again for some further talks. I happily gave her my phone number and said that it was a privilege to be of help to people.

The conference ended late in the afternoon. As I was about to take a bus home, she approached me and asked once more, “How did you know my situation, really?”

I smiled and said, “When it is time for you to know, I will tell you. Meanwhile, focus on what I have said.”

She respectfully smiled and waved goodbye as the bus began to move away.

Notes on Life and Learning Lessons Chapter 12

The Frog & the Fish

Someone once approached me and said, “A friend of mine whom you have helped in a way, told me that you seem to know what is beyond this world. Tell me, is there really a heaven and a hell? Are there angels and demons? Who and what is God?

“You are a Catholic. Isn’t it quite strange that you ask me whether the things you believe in are true or not? Is it not that you believe in something because you believe it to be true? But of course, those who taught you these things taught you to just believe. They told you not to find out whether they are true or not.

There are many things many people believe in which are not true. Many people believe that more money to buy more material things automatically makes one more happy. Thus, one focuses his/her life on how to get more and more money. Such a belief is not true. Beyond a certain minimum, beyond what is necessary to live a decent life, what truly matters is what you have inside of you, what you can meaningfully share with others – kindness, thoughtfulness, helpfulness, truthfulness and the courage to do what is right. The happiness one feels in the heart and in the mind as one shares these non-material things with others is far superior than the happiness one feels in the body as he/she gets more expensive things for himself/herself.”

“Understanding what is true and what is not, what is right and what is wrong in this world is easy enough. But knowing what lies beyond this world is not easy. Could you tell me then the truth regarding my beliefs? Is there really a heaven and a hell? If there is indeed a heaven and a hell, how do these places look like?” he insisted.

I smiled and said, “You think understanding what is true and what is true, what is right and what is wrong in this world is easy enough. My friend, if that were so, there would be no more or very little poverty, senseless violence, disrespect and abuse of women, exploitation and oppression in this world. Perhaps, it is easy enough. Yet, why do many people, especially among the rich and powerful, continue to do what is wrong? Why do they continue to exploit and oppress precious human lives and mindlessly plunder our natural resources? Is it easy to stop them? Of course not. It may even cost your life. But it is the duty of all those who still care to stop them.

Anyway, I can see in your impatient eyes that you really came to know whether there is indeed life after death and the worlds beyond us. Very well, there is a very old story that can answer you question. More or less, it goes this way:

A student once asked his spiritual master, “Master, what lies beyond the grave? Is there really life after death? If so, how does that ‘new world’ look like?”

The master gently smiled and said, “There were once a frog and a fish who became very good friends. The frog played with the fish in the water for sometime. Then, one day the frog left the water and went on land to get some other food and to be with his fellow frogs. After some time again, he went back to his friend, the fish.

“Where did you go?” the fish asked.

“Oh, up there in the land,” the frog answered.

Since this was the first time the fish had a frog for a friend, he became very curious and bewildered. He then asked, “What is up there? Can you swim on it?”

“No, it is not like that,” the frog replied.

“Can you drink on it?” the fish asked again.

“No, it is not like that up there,” the frog said.

The fish finally asked, “Then, how is it up there? How different is it from the waters here?”

The frog thought for a while…and then he finally said, “Even if I told you how it is up there, you cannot understand it. Just try to understand more your life here in the water and try your best to be a good fish.”

My guest kept silent and appeared to be in deep thought. After a while I said,

“I know what you are thinking of. Aside from the obvious lesson of the story that it is beyond the capability of ordinary men to know what lies beyond this world, you are also thinking about how ordinary men can go beyond their normal capabilities. You are thinking about how the fish can get out of water and still survive to see and know what land is. You believe that I know the answers but I look just like any other ordinary man.

There is something in all men and women that makes them different from all other creatures. We are all made in the image and likeness of God. We are all children of One Beloved Father. The Father gave us a soul which made us extraordinary. It is the soul that can make us go beyond our normal capabilities. Somewhere along the road of life, we got lost and totally forgot who we are.

For us to eventually know who we are, we must increase our knowledge of what is true and what is not true, of what is right and what is wrong which you find easy enough. Then you must do what is right and fight against what is wrong. Perhaps, that is not quite easy. When you have truly mastered these things, which in a way will make you quite extra-ordinary like the frog that can go into two different worlds, you know you will know the answers to the questions you ask of me.”